Saturday, July 6, 2013

Goodbye


I would have liked to have talked to you about my email and discuss it with you but that was not to be so I thank you for your email.

I understand the journey that you have been on over the last two years… I didn’t travel it beside you or for all of it but I travelled that path, I did my best to support you and to help you and I do not regret any of it.

At no stage in the last seven and half years, including the last six months did I ever see us as a long term, exclusive relationship, I don’t think that you believe that but it is the truth.

To me, what we had was special… a loving, caring, supportive relationship… I would have been happy for that to have continued.  I know when this begun I was the other woman and accepted that position, when Anne passed away that changed but at no stage did I see myself replacing her.

Over the last six months you have talked about holidays but you have also implied and talked about me being a “kept” woman… that was more than “getting to know” options… your words were obviously different from your thoughts and feelings.

You have given me little choice when it came to accepting your conditions in regard to our relationship and you exploring your options… I did my best to let you explore but when there is great passion there is great reactions, good and bad. I don’t apologise for my emotions even if it has just made you more sure of your decision.

I don’t doubt that you have a connection with Janette and I wish the two of you all the best for the future… things concern me though and it may be none of my business to say anything but I am going to anyway, it is up to you if you listen or ignore what I say.

 You say that the connection is the same that you experienced forty years ago but yet you were happy to have me as the other woman… that says to me that the connection is not the same or you have become a lot more selfish as you have got older.

You said that if I had been in Sydney then Janette would not have been an issue and you would have stuck to your first decision… if the connection was that strong you would not have made your first decision.

I understand what you are saying that our history is a serious liability and I do wonder if that has more to do with your decision than your connection with Janette.

You are probably sitting there reading this and shaking your head and dismissing my comments that is entirely up to you but I am just telling you how I feel.

We are two totally different people and that has scared me for a very long time but I always believed that we could get pass that because we worked together, we made each other happy. You were obviously scared by that as well but unlike me you didn’t feel what we had was enough and that is why you didn’t make the effort for me with my friends, thank you for telling me now but I wish you did do it earlier.

As I said I do wish you all the best in life and happiness… if that is with Janette then all the best… just be honest with everyone in your life, your partner, your friends and your children but more than anything be honest with yourself. Look after yourself first but think about others… sometimes friendship means thinking about what you say and how it will affect others, it is respect.

 I understand the ball is in my court… it is sitting there and I have decided to leave it sitting there, the game has been hurting me and I have had enough so I am not playing it, hitting it wide, letting it go past or targeting the back of your head… I am walking away from the game. I should have walked away before now but I didn’t and that has resulted in some severe damage been done to our relationship and to me.

Maybe one day we can sit and have a drink or a meal and be friends but that is not going to happen anytime soon…

At  some stage I will start to see the trees that make up the forest, I will see the many paths out of the forest and I will decide which path I will take… for now you can’t stand at the edge of the forest, you can’t shine a beacon and you can’t call out to me. Don’t worry about me… I will be okay. I have been in the darkness before and I found my way and this is no different, I don’t know how long it will take but I will be okay.

So this is goodbye, you will be in my thoughts but for now that is all you can be. Thank you for our time together, your support and your love.

T x

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