You blindsided me and you just keep on blindsiding me...
blind-side or blind·sidetr.v. blind-sid·ed or blind·sid·ed, blind-sid·ing or blind·sid·ing, blind-sides or blind·sides1. To hit or attack on or from the blind side.2. To catch or take unawares, especially with harmful or detrimental results: "The recent recession, with its wave of corporate cost-cutting, blind-sided many lawyers" (Aric Press).You are correct when you said that in Melbourne, you talked of meeting someone else but I asked that you gave US a chance and that you would be honest with me... then you continued our relationship like you were giving US a chance.Not only did our relationship continue but you talked about the future, talked about US being together, about me and you doing things this year and also about the future... I understand that you life was in turmoil and so I wasn't holding you to any of those comments but they gave me expectations. I believed you were giving US a chance.The first time you blindsided me was in April... I understand that there was a connection with Janette, I understand that because I have experienced that... with YOU. The thing that hurt the most, you spent the night before I flew in with her... then you got caught out and told me, no plans of being honest with me or giving me a chance, the things you had agreed to only a month earlier.I did my best to understand, I did my best to be supportive... I know that I was not that successful with that and that is because I was hurting, I could see that there was nothing I could do and I could be losing you.You then made a decision... I was so relieved and happy, you were giving US a chance. Our lives continued and WE made plans, WE looked ahead...Then again you blindsided me, this time you were honest with me... You told me before you slept with her, well that is what you said. Once again I was hurt, once again I felt I was losing you...Then again you blindsided me, you wanted us both, you wanted me to continue to be the other woman... that hurt, we have a history, I thought we had something special.I expressed my hurt and I got blindsided again... you told me if anyone should understand then it should be me with my history and seeing 4 men at once.. hurt once again, not only because that was mean but I had put my trust in you and told you my past and here you were throwing it back at me.You said you had to make a decision and stick to it... why couldn't you stick to the last decision.I received your email and I thought I had lost you... yes that is how I felt when I read that email but then...We spent the day on the phone, we talked, we chatted, we flirted... I thought maybe I had read something into it that was not there, I thought we were okayYou flew in, you gave me flowers, we were good together, I thought we were okayThen I was blindsided... you say I should have seen it but that is not what I saw, I saw you giving US a goYou said a lot of things that weekend and left me feeling confused and hurt me... I don't want to go through them but I do wish you could explain why you have ended our relationship.You said you still love me, you said that if I was in Sydney it would be different, you said if I was in Sydney that Janette would not be part of the story, you say that it is nothing I have done but it is you. Explain it to me...I have accepted our relationship is over but you said that you wanted to be my friend... I told you to meet me halfway and to make an effort. For the last week I have tried to make that work, I have listened, I have offered my support and I turned to you when I am hurting. Do you think you have made an effort?Today we were talking, we were fine... you mentioned where you were going, of course I was going to ask why... I got blindsided, I understand that you are seeing Janette that is not what blindsided me... you were meeting her daughter and grand-child. If you properly started your relationship after ending it with me, which is how you made it sound to me, then it has been less than three weeks. Three weeks... we were together for 7 years and you never made an effort to meet my friends or for me. I was blindsidedYou are right the first part of our relationship could never exist in the eyes of your family or friends but the way you spoke today it is like it never existed to you, that hurt. What we have shared has been something special... a caring, supportive, loving relationship for both of us. Yes, it started as something that was sexual, just sexual but it grew and developed in to something a lot more and for you to dismiss that as just nothing is a blindsideI'm not trying to make you feel bad with this email, I just want you to understand how I'm feeling, why I'm hurting...I love you, I still love you... I accept our relationship is over but I was hoping that we could still be a part of each others lives but you are not meeting me halfway, you are not making an effort... we spoke on Wednesday night and I was a complete mess, I didn't hear from you until I checked on you... I checked on you because I was worried about how you were feeling, I was being a friend but I didn't get the same respect from you.Today I mention how I was feeling and you get defensive and turn it back on me... your response was that you should be able to tell a friend who you were going to see. Maybe we see friendship and respect differently because for me you are aware of friends situations, feelings and emotions and watch what you say. I shouldn't have said anything, just swallowed by hurt but I thought we were being honest and trying.Writing this I feel like a complete fool,you would think I would have learnt by now and stopped putting myself in the situation to be hurt but even now I'm willing to be your friend.
Takin' It Hard
4 months ago